What i am supposed to do when i am beyond tired, always on the go and MISS all of my church family and friends.
What i am supposed to when i am struggling with all my funds to actually support my own self.. Not only that but what i am supposed to do when you get close with co-workers at work but clearly are taking advantage of just because you have a car.. Or i am being to nice and saying “sure not a problem”. I don’t know what to make of all this.
The answer to all this is that i take time out of my schedule and spend time with God. God knows my heart and God knows where i want to be in life. Just hope everything will fit into place sooner then later.
I feel very distant from a lot of things.
My parents are a subject that breaks my heart when i talk about them. I have no words for them.
I dont ever hear from family anymore besides my Aunt Glenda that I have become extremely close with.
I miss MY CHURCH FAMILY AND ALL of my friends that I have made. I feel very distant from them and i need to back hanging out with them.
There is a lot more writing to come…. this is just the jist of things that are going right now…
- Well, where do i begin…. Work is kicking my butt. Lifeguarding is no joke!! I slipped and fell at one of the rides at work and my arm is bruised. At least it was not life threatning. I will be okay.
- I really miss everyone from church and community group. I want to attend Passion 2013 but i don’t think i will be able to go because of family matters going on. There is always next year…at least i hope so.
- My best friend is going through stuff that i wish that I could help with but i can’t. I have been in a certain situation that he is dealing with and i know how it feels. All i can do is pray that God will take care of him and help him where he needs the help.
- this job partnership class stuff is really becoming to much but I made the commitment in the beginning to attend.
that’s all for right now but I am hoping to make my way to church tonight.
What do you do when a 16 year old boy is in love with you??? and you tell him over and over again “NO, not happening”. I say that he is like a brother to me but that is all.
Today was a slight set back to where i where I wanted to be.. But i will Trust in God that he will be with me and that I will focus and STUDY STUDY. LIFEGUARDING is NO JOKE!! My body is exhausted.
there a lot of other things going on.. but that is another day and another time to think about.
It is times like this where i need a great person to tell me what the heck to do in this situation.
I can pray about this and see what happens but when you want that immediate advice or opinion on what to do… Who do you turn to??
Sunday after church was really an eye-opener for me. God was testing me for sure! I refuse to go backwards. I was not okay with what I saw at all. So i had to leave.
Monday was just strange. My ex-boyrfriend step sister sent me a friend request on Facebook. What do i make of this?? Do i conquer my fears and build a new friendship with her?? We were friends before I met my ex-boyfriend. I don’t know how to take all of this at all. She has filled me in on her life and how broken things are. I just don’t know that I am ready to share or trust her with everything that I tell her.
God, I ask for wisdom or guide me to the right thing to do in this. It is tearing me apart on the inside.
Better yet where is this all HEADED??
I want to express how i feel but i don’t know where to begin.
I feel like some people get me and some don’t.
I have a friend where they are miles away and yet he is willing to listen to me and here out my problems or just let me vent. Sometimes i feel like that is to much for him. He tells me most of everything that is happening with him and we are really good friends. Needless to say I miss hanging out with him, just laughing and jamming to music in my car or just making memories period.
I’m making friends here in Orlando. Sometimes i feel like i am in high school with all these cliques that i see going around….but I am not on the same level as most of them. they are in school. they have jobs. and well i feel like the total outcast because I don’t have any of that right now in my life. I am now just working on healing and starting over with building relationships. It is very heartbreaking for me because I want to be right there with everybody. I am being selffish? I don’t really know. But i do know that I Jeremiah 29:11 tells me all that I need to know. I need to trust in this and know that God knows the road he is taking with me.
Went to a job fair yesterday and things might happen for me!! Just got to pray and trust in the Lord that he will provide for me!!
After I was done with the Job Fair.. I saw the Blood Bus to donate blood. I said sure.. I will go and SAVE LIFES today. I was feeling fine until the moment i got off the bus and about nearly fainted and passed out in my car.
My vision was going in and out and i had to wait till i could clearly see in order to drive home!! I ended up getting closer to home and realized i needed to get gas. So i stopped and thats when I became even more weak!!! I needed fluids in my body and I didn’t have a drop of water in my car. I needed to make it home because I was not going to have 911 be called!! My parents would flip there lid if they found out i was in the emergency room!! They would just tell me… ANOTHER BILL THAT WE HAVE TO PAY FOR YOU LAUREN.. And i did not want that at all!!!
I sat at the gas station.. turned on the A/C and waited till i regained movement in order to drive again and get me home.
When I got home… I drank a bottle of water and then crashed on the couch. Because of being soo lightheaded twice in one day.. I ended up having a massive headache and didnt feel like eating at all last night. The light of the tv was so sensitive to me that i had to turn it off… I did eat dinner but was not that appetizing for me to eat at all.
Let’s say that I have never gone to bed before 11pm.
It was a CLOSE CALL yesterday!!!